walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
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