I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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