i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
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He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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