I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
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last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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