People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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