He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
