Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
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