Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
