3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
