Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
