All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
you inspire me to be a worse person
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
