I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
