is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
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