so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
