I think I died a long time ago.
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
