the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
