i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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