cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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