I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
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