i don't plan on having that self control this summer
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
