Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
