We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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