she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Randomize
