Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
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