You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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