See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
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