It's Friday. Sex?
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
