Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
