i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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