I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
