I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
