The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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