When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Hippo gnu deer
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
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