I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
