Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
i think i have herpe
just one?
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Randomize
