on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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