and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
