sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
be right there i have to get my cape
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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