Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
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