I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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