he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
