there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Randomize
