It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
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