Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
