i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
