I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize