He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Randomize
