K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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