He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
