How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
