i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
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