2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
When did angry sex become our thing?
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
