What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Randomize
