I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
i think my mom watched the whole time
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
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