You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
