Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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