It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
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