I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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