Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
we're chasing vodka with high fives
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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