Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Randomize
