Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Randomize
