Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
