when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I'm just crazy horny about you
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Randomize
