I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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