first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
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