She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
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