My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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