I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
